On Loneliness

What's equally tragic with a life without love?

Loneliness.

To me, it is one of life's greatest tragedies. While feelings of abandonment, rejection and being unloved are awfully painful as they are, loneliness in the picture makes the emotions a hundred fold truer hence even more painful.

A lonely life is like being stuck in a dessert. No matter how long or how loud you scream, no one's going to come. It's like being lost in a crowd with no hand to hold and no shoulder to cry on when the going gets tough and rough. And although we have families and friends we see, talk with and whom we know love us, the gaping hole remains unfilled. 

In his book, The Four Loves, CS Lewis has said, 

"We are born helpless. As soon as we are fully conscious we discover loneliness. We need others physically, emotionally, intellectually; we need them if we are to know anything, even ourselves."

Loneliness leaves us incomplete, and it's something we have to live with for the rest of our lives unless we let people in. God meant for us to live and love together, along each other and with each other. That's why He created Eve out of Adam's ribs  because "no man is an island." 

To feel lonely is completely normal, but to give in and let this terrible emotion control our lives is another matter. Take time to savor and understand the feeling, then use it to pursue a life without it. That often means letting go of our inhibitions, our past and doubts. 

Because only when we hold nothing back will we fully experience love and life in all its glory. 

X Factor: Fil-Am Singer Ellona Santiago Makes it to Demi Lovato's Final Four

In the spirit of Filipino pride, let's celebrate Ellona Santiago's successful stint to make it to X Factor US Season 3's top 16. Ellona is a Fil-Am aspiring singer who was born in the Philippines but moved to the US when she was barely 1 year old with the entire family and has lived in the country since.

With the show's new platform, the Four Chair Challenge in exchange for the bootcamp, the competition has been stiffer and more intense. No one wants to be de-seated. And with Demi Lovato's four seats already occupied, it was a make or break performance for Ellona. She was the last performer for the category singing her own passionate rendition of Clarity by Zedd.

See her performance...

If you watched X Factor Season 1, this girl was in it too but she was part of a group, inTENsity, who was booted out during the early part of the live show. Two years later, Ellona hopes that second time's the charm. Well, it sure is because Demi chose her over another Latina aspirant, Jamie Pineda to complete her final four. 

It looks like we'll be seeing more of this small girl with a big voice in the coming weeks. 

How to Deal with the likes of Devina DeDiva

A whirl wind of angry rants and a barrage of hot protests were thrown at Devina DeDiva after her infamous, racist and degrading statement about newly crowned Miss World Megan Young and Filipinos in general. In her own words, "Miss Philippines is Miss World? What a joke! I did not know those maids have anything else in them[.] Ha Ha Ha" 

Seemingly not content with her insults, she further adds, "They r poor, smelly from cleaning toilets & uneducated."

Photo Credit: scoopboy

She may say that she's just stating her opinion. It's what freedom of speech has entitled her after all. Unfortunately, hers was not a reasonable opinion or a simple name calling fiasco, but a deliberate and tactless attack of an entire nation. Even more unfortunate for Devina DeDiva, she doesn't have an inkling of how fierce, bold and proud we Filipinas can be.

In just a matter of days, she became a household name in the Philippines and an instant web sensation, but not for good reasons at all. Just today, it has been reported that she lost her job as an assistant teacher in Singapore. Serves her just right, I must add. Several Facebook pages has been created against her. One Devina Dediva page currently has 8,635 likes and 10,548 talking about it. She's been called names: 'the devil', 'a scum', 'a b*stard', 'a f******g prostitute', 'a d*mb*ss b*tch', 'a sh*thead', 'a p*tang ina', and a slew of other nasty names. Some spewed out threats and others even wished her dead. What a nightmare it has turned for her.

Let's Show Her Who We Are

But as much as I agree that what she said was below the belt, I am saddened with how some of us reacted. I read through a handful of comments against her and I can see that some went down to her level. If Devina shamelessly attacked our Filipino descent, a few of our very own did the same - degrading her roots and stereotyping Indian women. Even worse, there was a meme posted in the aforementioned FB page (see below) that clearly implies....

I think you get the point. So instead of reacting to the issue, I'd like to respond with these thoughts with the hopes to admonish my fellow Filipinos that we can say our piece without being rude, stereotypical or threatening. We can deal with the likes of Devina DeDiva in a manner that's calm, educated and dignified. Instead of spewing her insults back to her, let's SHOW her that we are not what she said we are. After all, ACTIONS speak LOUDER than words.

How to Deal with the likes of Devina DeDiva

• Respond instead of Reacting - "Smelly, poor, less privileged and uneducated." Those are hurtful words and for many of us, our first reaction was all-consuming anger. How dare she! What audacity to accuse us of such things. And what's the shame in being a "maid" when it's a decent job that feed, cloth and shelter our families? Right? Yes, of course we're right which we think justifies our reactions (either good or mostly bad) but it doesn't. When we react, we says things that are hurtful (similar to what Devina said about us). Responding is a different approach altogether because we say things from a reasonable and open-minded perspective. 

• Be Direct - Say your piece, argue your case then move on. I think it's enough to let her know that what she said was offensive. If she listens, all good. But if not, try other means to get your message across (for this case, a legal advice is a sound option) then move on. Don't argue or extend the heated exchange after you've said your two cents. She won't listen because if she has an open mind, she wouldn't have said those racist stereotypes in the first place. 

• Avoid Name Calling - Despite her rotten statements and unquestionable character, we have no right to call her names. As much as it makes us feel good to call her this and that, but if we do we're just like her in a sense. So don't go this route or we'll be putting ourselves in the same level as hers.

• Respect to her Rude - Don't battle rude with rude. Instead let's heed what the Bible says about our enemies. Luke 6:27-29 But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. 

Are You Useful Now?

A couple of days ago, I got a chance to watch Lincoln. Yet again, filmmaker Steven Spielberg helmed a story so enchanting and moving, it ought to awaken your unknown love for history. It was a beautiful masterpiece centered on Lincoln's life as a father, husband, friend and as the 16th president of the United States who marshaled the freedom of the slaves.

But for me, the scene that lingered long and vividly was the heated confrontation between father (Abe Lincoln) and his first born son, Robert. The civil war was poised to end and Robert has been steered away to enlist for war by sending him to Boston to become a lawyer.

While visiting soldiers who were injured, the stirrings in Robert's heart to be useful now came alive and burning. A momentary lapse in Lincoln's part, a slap against a son's defiance, furthered his son's desire to its boiling point. With or without permission, Robert enlisted his heart and life for war.

It's meaningful and moving and touching because I feel the same way. I don't want to be useful tomorrow, I want to be useful now. Not five years after but now.

Maybe we all go through this stage and season of self-doubt. We question our worth as a person based on how useful we are now. Are we doing what we always wanted to do? Are we living for something bigger than ourselves? Are we happy? Are we making a difference? Are we changing the world? Are we useful?

These are questions that are real and scary. If you answered yes, good for you. But a no echos the restlessness from within. It's a silent cry of desperation seeking freedom from the bondage of mediocrity and the common life. To be useful means to be important. It's a human desire common to all but only a handful achieves.

But what does it really mean to be useful? Only you can tell because your life is yours to live. You don't need to be president or a noble soldier to feel fulfilled. Just look around you, examine your motives and notice the little differences you are making on other people's lives.

Usefulness is all about perspective. As long as you are living your life according to how you were wired then that's useful. Birds fly because they were created with wings. Flowers bloom, the sun rises and sets, the moon beams at night and fishes swim. They are who and what they are because of their specific design. And you are who you are because God created you that way.

The moment you are feeling useless, go back to your creator. Only He can tell you what you were wired for.

A Poem in Loving Memory of Sandy Brook Children

Photo Credits: Tim Tebow's twitter

GOODBYE FOR NOW

Oh, precious little ones!

How can we say goodbye?

The thought of never seeing you

Bring waves and waves of pain

How can we live like this?

When we will miss everything

Your innocent smile and energy

Even the naughty glint of your eyes

Who would have thought?

That fateful day was the last

Never again to hear your voice

And kiss you goodbye for school

No more birthdays to celebrate

Or grad ceremonies to attend
Not even a wedding to witness

You were a blessing 

A bundle of joy to behold

You taught us to live and love

How did we deserve such a gift?

If we can steal a day from death

Or even an hour will do

We will hug you one last time

And tell you, "We love you so!"

God wants you by His side

So we'll say goodbye for now

Go on and soar towards heaven

Where everything's happy and beautiful

No demanding moms nor angry dads

One day we'll be together again

Today, we live with your memories

We will miss you everyday.

We will love you forever.